Elemental Leadership Solutions

Innies & Outies

INTROVERTS & EXTROVERTS

Introverts tend to be quiet in group settings. They interact more comfortably in smaller groups, and keep themselves more at a distance from other people.

Extroverts tend to be more outgoing. They usually talk to people more readily, and are less shy when in group settings.

(I tend to think of introverts as "innies" because they spend time in their heads, and extroverts as "outies" because they are so outgoing.)

WHICH ONE?

Do you know which one you are? Look at how you spend your time and answer this question:

Which activities make me feel more energized?

• If you find that the time you spend interacting with other people is where you “reset,” and you come out of those experiences feeling better or even “refocused,” then you’re an extrovert.

• If you find that you are re-centered and reenergized after having spent some time on your own – be it with your nose in a book, or an a walk alone, quietly thinking, or however you choose to spend that downtime --- then you’re an introvert.

So introversion & extroversion are about our level of interaction with the world around us. Not just our tendencies, but where we operate from; where we each consider ‘home base’ or ‘center’ to be.

 

WHY DOES IT MATTER?

Planning:

Knowing your tendency to be either extroverted or introverted can help you understand which types of social environments you will do well in naturally, and which situations will bring you a greater challenge.

For example: Let’s say that this Saturday night you will be attending a party where you won’t know too many people. If you are an extrovert, you likely have habits and skills already in place to help you manage a social environment mostly full of strangers; if you are an introvert, it will probably take more work for you to access skills to help you manage that party. This is not to say that the extrovert will necessarily enjoy the party any more than the introvert. Rather, the extrovert will have easier access to the nerve and skills necessary to manage the event effectively.

On the other hand, let’s say you are interested in taking a new job that requires a lot more alone-time than your current job entails. If you are an introvert, that is probably an excellent opportunity for you. In fact, the alone time might even be one of the reasons you are attracted to that job and will likely thrive in it. As an extrovert, the alone-time that this proposed job entails should raise some concerns. It would be wise to learn what communicative outlets there will be to help you balance that alone-time before you decide to pursue that opportunity.

Limits & Re-Charging:

We all have limits, and it’s important to know what they are and also how to serve ourselves best when we get near them. The limit might be fatigue or stress, or it could be over- or under-stimulation, hunger… many things can take us to our limit.

Knowing what those limits feel like can help you manage your energy. If you are feeling run down, knowing how you recharge can help you do so more quickly and efficiently. You can discern, at that extreme moment, what you need and also what you may need to say “no” to:

·         If you are an introvert that has had a full day of interaction and you are feeling overwhelmed, you recognize the importance of finding some time to power-down and reset before tonight’s business dinner if you are going to be your best.

·         Conversely, if you are an extrovert that has been locked in your office alone all day, you might realize that your desire to interact is a bit on the high side and that you are better served to find a social outlet to defuse your need to interact just a little before you show up at the business dinner, so that you don’t come across too strongly.

The Middle

It is possible that you land someplace between introvert and extrovert. It may even be circumstantial – that you are usually one, but in particular circumstances you behave like the other.

For example, I am distinctly an extrovert who can talk to just about anyone anytime. However, if you put me in a room with a mass of people mingling about, I can get incredibly distracted. The buzz of people overwhelms me, and it impedes my ability to have a normal conversation. I have learned how to manage this distraction, but it has taken a lot of time and experience to get my head around it. Conversely, I can reach a level of exhaustion that requires me to find some serious alone-time. However, I can only stay in that alone-time for so long before am craving people again. So, at my base I am definitely extroverted, and interaction is how I recharge and reset. At the same time, there are situations that bring out the introvert in me.

We each have our needs, our limits, and our natural skills. Knowing what they are, recognizing how they feel, and learning to access them can bring us a sense of control over the various events that make up our lives.

 

 

 

Work and Money: Her Fair Share

Women now make up approximately half of the workforce, and yet their earnings equal only 80% of what men take home. That is up just 4% from ten years ago, when women earned about 76% vs men. At this rate, we should hit parity around the year 2058. Personally, I think that’s a long wait. I like to think that some 50 years from now, I’ll be enjoying a leisurely ride on my BMW through the Swiss Alps amidst some version of retirement, worrying more about where I’m going to find that night’s dinner than I am about the gender pay ratio in the U.S.

But here in the present, my antennae go up when I hear how people frame their advice to “fix” this ratio imbalance. I see writing on this subject focus on the cause that women simply do not ask for more money, therefore they do not receive as much. The message here is that the responsibility is in the woman’s hand. It belongs to her and if she would simply step up and negotiate like a man, she would be paid like one. In an effort to “help” women out of this situation, these writings highlight the successful negotiating strategies that men use, and recommend them to women.

Most of these articles and books follow up their advice to women with some acknowledgment that there are expectations in our society that train women to not ask, but then the discussion seems to fade. I get very frustrated at this point because the idea that there might be a systematic problem is lost behind the noise of what women can do to fix their own problem. The overall message one walks away with is that the responsibility is more on women to adjust to the ways of business, and less on business to find a way to help.

Is this truly where the onus of this problem lies? I don’t think so.

There is common agreement that women and men communicate differently. Specifically, women are expected to have a more feminine style of communication, and often do. In fact, when they don’t align with the expected feminine style, it can play against them and earn women negative labels like aggressive or bitch. Similarly, though less stringently, men are expected to communicate in a more masculine style, and often do. However, when a man wanders into a more feminine style of communication, it doesn’t seem to play against him as harshly as it does a woman. Rather, a man is considered surprisingly insightful and well-rounded, and the better for it. With these specific differences and expectations in mind, the negotiation styles that men use should not be expected to work for most women. In fact, to suggest that a woman behave in ways that belong to the masculine style is to suggest that she play a hand that will most likely work against her.

With all of this in mind, I want to emphasize that asking should not be an expectation or a requirement. As much as I am in the business of helping women successfully negotiate situations like these, it cannot be overlooked that this behavior is a masculine style of communication in a patriarchal work environment. If U.S. business is going to benefit from 100% of the brain power this country offers, then it needs to put aside gender and consider 100% of the people. That means, implicitly, that it needs to put aside a requirement that falls so strongly within the masculine style of communication so that they can be more open to the feminine communication style as well.

I’m not saying that negotiating is wrong; I’m not saying that there’s something wrong with asking. What I am saying is that the expectation of the asking – the step in the process that involves the interviewee challenging the offered pay and requesting more– falls outside of the feminine style of communication. That step in the hiring process is where women are seen to lose the extra money that men earn. If that step is the common denominator, change it. Change that step, that expectation, and you change the result.

New Year Musings

For most of us, the New Year is a time of reflection: Assess how the last year went; Plan for the next year, realign your sights, and try again. Thing is, I don’t like repeats. That doesn’t even make sense to me. One year following another isn’t a do-over. Time moves forward and I need to move forward with it. Last year is complete. I did as much as I did, and now it is simply time to move forward on that base, whatever it may be.

Over the years, I’ve found life to be a bit of a moving object. A year seems like a lot to plan for when you just don’t know what’s coming. So rather than setting a distinct plan, which would involve steps, tracking progress, and distinct goals, I set a theme. Similar to a plan, a theme gives me a line to walk; an overall play to run for the coming year with a general anticipated outcome… but with the steps undefined and outcome set as a rough idea rather than a landing spot.

Last year at this time, I was trying to get my head around how to pull together the extensive variety of experiences, education, and learning I’ve gathered throughout my life thus far, and somehow organize it into something that stands on its own. I envisioned a business where I could be contracted rather than employed; hired for what my skills bring to the table as is, not how they may possibly fit into someone else’s puzzle if we just bend, twist, and hone them to fit someone else’s preference. I’d had enough of that.

As a working adult, I have drawn on the various every piece of my knowledge and expertise here and there, but never all at once towards one goal – and yet I’ve always thought that ought to be possible "someday". Last year, looking into 2009, I felt like I was at that crux; the rubber was hitting the road and the time of coalescing had come. What that might look like, I had only a vague idea… but it sounded inviting and exciting. Thus, the theme was born: organization. I would spend the next year in search of a way to organize my world in such a way that all my different pieces somehow fit together to work in harmony towards one purpose. I was curious to see how that would look… and felt that there was no way to actually plan for it since I didn’t have a clue how it going to evolve. So I set the theme, and rumbled on.

One year later, I do in fact feel more organized. I have created an organization – a company – complete with a mission. Aiming at a particular set of niches, I am focusing my skills and knowledge in a direction that will touch the people that I think will benefit the most: women; male-dominated organizations and industries; and small, family-owned companies. And the difference from last year is palpable. I feel purposeful in a way that I never have. I feel focused, centered, and organized.(Although honestly, if you looked around my office, that's not the impression you'd get.)

Leveraging off of last year’s theme, I’ve come to believe that this coming year, 2010, will be based on the theme activation. I am looking forward to activating ideas and concepts that came along last year while conceiving my organization. I feel like it’s a process of moving from passive energy (contemplative) to kinetic energy (active). As I look forward, I anticipate being inspired by last year’s ideas and formulations, as I will now be actively moving on those possibilities and seeing where they take me. It sounds inviting… and exciting.

I will be curious to see what this all looks like one year from now (and also whether I can draw on it to activate some organization in my office while I'm at it).